divinely inspired.

Warning - There is foul language in this but only to show just where I was as a person. Just wanted to let you know why it is here, not to spark any outrage, just. Because that aspect of this piece is part of the story being told.

Perhaps the insanity in which my last year was beheld caused me to look deeper into my own biases and connections to the world itself. And in doing so I have fashioned a way of viewing this world in which my reality is bound by a book. Which, to my mind a year ago at this time I would have laughed, and yet that is truly the only way it makes sense. 

I often found myself questioning where my inspiration came from. Why do I have this desire, this passion, this innate ability to write in the way I do? Why do I write? Do I write because I simply love it and the dopamine that releases and the serotonin that floods my system becomes so part of my being that I must strive for it? Well. If that was the case then my fingers would always be numb(they often are) and my mind might be high strung(it often is.) but that lacks something within me and within the world. See, if that was the case, then why do I continue to do it if not for a selfish purpose? If my writing is purely only there because it makes me feel good, then perhaps I should truly evaluate why I am such a selfish being. And I think I did that. And the simple answer, is I am human. And yet, in the midst of that answer there still was something missing as to WHY I write. Why have I flooded pages on these google docs with words that seem to be beyond me and yet they are full of me. They are the words of myself that I tap into as often as I can. They are the words I strive to understand, the why the how the when the what of reality. My entire mind is occupied by these questions of reality and the pursuit in which that brings. And this brought forth an interesting question for me. Something I mentioned a few sentences ago. Where does inspiration come from? Well. I wrote something quite long about such a thought, and I finished it but I never posted it fully, as the way I ended it I would not be proud of today. I became an angry person. And yet, it was fully myself then. So, for the sake of understanding my soul, I think it would be a disservice to take away that which has been written about this subject by my own mind in the sake of preserving what people think of me. So, this is me, in June. 

hierarchy of inspiration 

There’s this concept I’ve always heard of that’s simply based around this idea of the genius on the shoulder. The genius in the other room. The man who whispers the words of wisdom through the vents. All of these stories or concepts each come back to one question for me. Where does inspiration itself come from? I think the value we place on being inspired is very loaded and oftentimes leads us to question things we don’t need to question. It’s predicated on us deciding that inspiration is real, first off. And then it relies on us using that “realness' ' in order to fashion SOMETHING that we find valuable, or maybe we don’t. Evaluating the “origin” of inspiration is something that has plagued thinkers for generations, and I want to fall ill to the same question. So, without holding up the thoughts any longer, let’s dive in. 

I think the possibilities truly boil down to three ideas. The first - God, a divine higher power. The second - the SCIENCE and cognitive nature of our own human brains. And the last, which could be a link between the two - perception creating story. 

The first idea can be explored for millenia, so fashioning a thoughtful place for it could take ages. But, I’m going to try. 

Oftentimes in history anytime a book of “divine consequences” has surfaced, it has been done with the idea of it being inspired by a god or a higher power. That inspiration seemingly comes from nowhere, its lack of intricisticty is what drives it to be a THING that people continue to believe and think about. The Hebrew Bible, for example, is thought to be compiled by hundreds of writers, and yet, all INSPIRED by God. This idea that inspiration comes from somewhere outside of us, is a valuable way of looking at it. Oftentimes the genius we try to associate with is not our own, it’s not the way we view the world, it’s something beyond our own modes of perception. And the idea that a divine being would be the thing to provide that for us, makes logical sense purely on the level of it being a thoughtful way of looking at inspiration. This capitulation of the value we as humans place on the story itself also plays into this thinking. The way humans use story to create worlds that explain the world they live in creates this idea that perhaps the world we imagine is the REAL world, and the world we are part of today is simply an amalgamation of the system we have missed by thinking it itself, is REAL. I think thinking of reality in that manner allows us to fully build a world that is predicated on there being a higher power, it isn’t limited by the world's own beliefs or thoughts, it is created by the THING that is above us in some way. Perhaps that something is simply God, and thinking of it in that way allows us to find meaning in all sorts of places. In the religion I am the most well-versed in, Christianity, having a God that is the source of inspiration allows for the way we think about the world to be completely built upon what God himself has laid out for us. To be made in his image means to be crafted in his likeness which inherently means inspiration is PART of the human experience. That idea seems to be something to be expanded upon. It doesn't mean that inspiration itself is part of the human experience, no, that would be too reductionist. But, the idea that inspiration IS the human experience, that without it we CAN’T have a human experience, is something God allows us to think purely about because it came FROM him. He was the genius on the shoulder, whispering through the vents. That idea is something to be thought about simply because perhaps, perhaps IT, in and of itself, came from God himself. 

The neurological/cognitive argument is much more straightforward in my estimation, granted, the many ways this could go in terms of the psychological belief, the emotional aspect, the physical processes, each influences certain ways of thinking about the dilemma it poses to us. Each and every one of these things informs how we live our lives on a daily basis, and each one impacts how we make the decisions we do. The idea that our brain itself controls every aspect of our lives is a very interesting way to look at things, perhaps it’s even a little beautiful that we can even find some semblance of meaning within that. The way our brains create our perception, our reality, that is something to be marveled at. Even before looking at where inspiration comes from, if it came from a place of simply our brains firing in some way, then there is something to be appreciated from that. There is something within us that can create something we believe is beyond us. That idea is creativity extrapolated across a million miles of thought. Or maybe, it’s just our brain tricking us into believing something so beyond our own feeble way of looking at the world itself. If our brains are unable to comprehend the world around us, perhaps INSPIRATION is simply the moments when it can. The moments when it CAN interpret everything around us. When it CAN build into something we as humans can use. 

I think the way we interpret inspiration should be a link between the two ideas. The science and the divine. That link is where I like to draw the clear line, to perception itself. Our individual perception is influenced by so many factors, the people we surround ourselves with, the content we take in, the books we read and the music we listen to, the stories we hear, and the things our world itself wants us to see. How real are trees to you? How real is the air you breathe? Is the belief that those things are real, not in some way fashioned by the way your perception itself is influenced? Is it a product of the world you have been brought up in, or is it something else? These questions should leave us pondering the place we draw a line between what we believe to be true and what is actually true. The deception of the world we think ourselves to be a part of is a deception of the highest degree. It isn’t a world predicated on something beyond us per say, but rather, it’s a world predicated on the fashioning our own brains do and the way the stories we believe impact our so-called perception of what we see. It all boils down to story for me, does this story ring true after it has been tested? Does this belief run true after we have put it under the microscope? I can’t say for sure whether or not that belief is something beyond us or something within us, but in all aspects of the situation, it doesn’t matter. Inspiration happens, that’s enough for us, right? 

No, no it’s not enough for us. We must understand where these things come from in order for us to better use them. If inspiration only strikes once a lifetime, then why would we believe that inspiration is something to be harnessed? Well, it doesn't only strike once a lifetime, at least not for most people. And because of that, looking for the places that inspiration can be brought forth, whether that is by looking for something beyond us or by looking for something within us, that chase is exactly the thing we need to always look for. Or, always do. It is only something we shall DO. 

Now. Let’s hear my thoughts on this. I’ve given the objective truths regarding each of these stances, at least my best estimation at what those are. It would be ingenuous of me to not give my actual thoughts on this, so, here it goes. 

This is going to be a fucking bombshell. Yes I just cussed. Let’s move past that. I don’t believe in the christian God anymore. And in saying that, I think it would be valuable to actually evaluate where I think the “divine” nature of things, like inspiration, what that actually means for us as humans. The way inspiration works, for me, is a genius on the wall typa thing. It doesn't make any sense, and yet, it happens. It’s flowing out of my brain, these words aren’t mine they are just words I have written. I don’t know where they come from, but they can’t be MINE, it’s something beyond. Except, maybe it’s not. Maybe, it's the way I see the world that impacts how inspiration strikes me as a single person. The way I view certain things, the way I view all of the singular instances of interaction I have with every single fucking person I meet or see gives me some way to actually view the world in a manner that actually makes sense to me. Nothing makes sense without the words I type, or the words I say. Everything is a blur behind this fog of indifference that everyone seems to have put up, and yet, when inspiration strikes that fog is parted and the way I see the world, the intricacies of every relationship, of every fucking story I hear or story I read. Every fucking piece of art I see hanging on the wall of a gallery in fucking Wyoming for fucks sake, none of that makes sense except for the moments the fog parts, and that fog parts when I am honest with what I actually believe. With the things I see for the world, with the moments of sheer POWER, elicited in the way inspiration strikes. It’s beyond me because it is BEYOND, me. To make this make sense I’m going to dive into the nuances of this idea. 

The way story shapes every interaction I have creates this moment of viewing the world as if it is a story. And it is, and every biblical narrative of any religion tells that fucking story, the story of the world. Of humanity. Of how humans are meant to live among each other. To treat each other. And honestly I think there are moments where all of the words that were written thousands of years ago hold truth today. The way we treat people and how we interact with people on a HUMAN level, creates this moment of living as if the world we are apart of is simply it. It is, as it is. And in saying that I think I open myself up to being called a fucking ignorant kid who doesn’t understand religion. What I mean by that is this, if I think the value of these stories is REAL, then why wouldn’t I believe the stories themselves to be real? And I think it's a valid question, but to be completely honest. It’s a simple answer. Stories can hold value for us as humans whether we want to believe they are real or not. It doesn't diminish the value the story holds on a societal or cultural or even individual level, these stories impact us on a daily basis whether we believe them or not. Christians choose to live their lives because they find value in the stories of the bible. So even if the stories aren’t true on an objective level, or at least in the manner some people would like to say they are, the value we place on each and every instance or moment of the sheer power of story itself is the moment we as humans actually become HUMAN. Or, for me, to become the person I actually want to become. 

To answer the question of where I believe inspiration comes from. I actually have already answered that question. I think it’s a bridge between story and the cognitive power we actually hold. I think inspiration happens in the moments we as humans actually see the world as it is. Rather than being blocked by this fog that has overtaken every person in this world, it’s the moments that the light actually shines through, or, the darkness becomes too blinding to not say or do anything about it, those are the moments inspiration strikes. So it isn’t only God who gives us these moments, it isn’t only our brains that spark this into existence, it’s every instance of our lives that came before the future our lives will hold that actually begins to break the fiber of our being into something that is actually worthwhile. And so to wrap this up as I should wrap it up, here it goes. Chasing the story itself is what sparks creativity, it’s what sparks inspiration, and that inspiration comes when they meet. When the spark hits the fog, it creates a fucking masterpiece. Or, a shit show that maybe one person will find entertaining. 

Let’s restart this one. Like that was weird, why'd it go there. Well. I was lost. I was very lost it seemed. Or, I had become so enamored by this reality at which I did not understand anything, and that idea felt so home to me at that moment. And yet looking back my soul was splintered into a thousand pieces of reality. 

So. To finish this. I might have written something about what I thought about the bridge between inspiration and where we are today, but my thoughts today are quite similar. Just. Not. 

See, the way I view inspiration today is that there is a link between “story” and the “cognitive power” that our minds hold. That “story” however, is just God. And that “neurological power” is just God. See, the way I view the stories of Adam and Eve, of creation, all boils down to a simple idea. Creator. There must have been some orchestrator of this madness that our bodies sit on while we hurl through the galaxy. How have we not perished? Well, let’s ask the creator. And that, that is where our minds come in. We are not just beings of robotic tendencies. We are beings that have fought wars and built structures of grandeur purely because our minds could. And  that, the essence of creation, perhaps, if we are made in the “image of God”, in the imago dei, then our job as humans, our touch to reality itself must be found in the inspiration we draw from the greatest creator that has ever been named. Our souls must find the connection between creating and inspiration, and those things seem to go hand in hand when the divine orchestrator of this world puts the words down that we would be made in the image of God. If so, our inspiration must be divinely inspired, if only because we are, in a sense at least.