a selfish write.

this is why i want to go to school out of Arkansas. or, at least one of the reasons.

My entire life I've been attempting to create this “self-identity” that is independent, that is creative and that understands the world in a way most people don’t. And that desire to be something greater, something beyond the “self” I am in the current moment, has manifested itself in the past few years in my clear and utter drive to go to school outside of Arkansas. To go to school far away. To push the boundaries of independence in a chase to build my creativity, to be a chaotic mess of thoughtful intelligence and creativity. 

That drive has given me a clear understanding of the experience’s i want to have in life. 

To travel. To meet new people. To write. To build this new community where my life is the center of the devotion to story. Where everything I write is informed by the life I have built. There is something beautiful in experience, and if I can create a world for myself, if I can live a life that is predicated on unnatural experiences, on the things beyond what I know right now, then life will be fuller because of it. 

Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking of my future in that sense, but I think it allows me to push beyond the boundaries that most people around me put on themselves. If I dream big, if I am for the stars, perhaps I’ll hit the moon, rather than landing on the ground I stood on before. 

So with that said. 

Might as well just lay out some dreams. 

• Europe. Simple. Travel. Write. Meet new people. 

• The alps, hike, ski, all the things that being around a new culture would create. 

• Learn from geniuses, that’s the goal of school, or higher education isn’t it?

• Write my new experience, write as if the story I am creating is a story worth sharing, because maybe it is.

• It sounds odd to be like, “I’m trying to get out” when NWA is a pretty cool place. 

But. It’s limiting. NWA doesn’t spark my creativity in a way perhaps being or seeing something new would. It could. Maybe it won’t, but how would I know if I don’t put that into place for me to attempt to find. 

I just want to write. To tell stories. And however I can do that in the future, that is what I am going to chase. 

It’s a bit selfish and prideful to think I can do all of these things, to presuppose that my world will be something beautiful. But shouldn’t we all attempt to live like that? I’m going to try to at least.